Greetings from a wintery Idaho. As we come upon the Holidays, I want to remind you of something I always like to look at when I am doing readings with clients. I always look at willingness and ability.
Let me tell you what I mean, and why it matters.
There may truly be no ability at all in someone to do any better or different. If there is willingness, then some skills and abilities can be learned. However, if there is no willingness or ability in the other person, then we cannot expect them to change or to act differently.
Understanding that, being able to tell if the person you are struggling with is even at all capable of behaving in the way you may want them to can bring you peace, help you to disengage from the struggle.
Reality check, we do not get permission to hold others to our own standards. Some of the people in your life may truly be doing their best regardless if you like it or not.
Check to see, using your own intuition, is there any real ability for the other person to think more intelligently, act more rationally, be more compassionate or whatever you are annoyed they are not. It is sad and disappointing when you know they ARE capable but refusing to do so. When there is ability but no willingness, that is a shame.
When there is no ability, no skill, but willingness, miracles are possible. Healing is possible. Intimacy is possible.
We have to accept others where they are for who they are. Understanding another’s limitations can help us to love and understand them better.
If you love someone, learn how they like receiving love and support so you can give it their way. Learn to accept how they give or show affection. Just because it is different from yours, it may still be present and valuable to you once you recognize it.
Demonstrate to those close to you how you want to be treated. Respect yourself. Honor yourself.
If those closest to you cannot, will not honor you, refuse to treat you with respect, then you get to choose how much time and energy you spend with them.
You may be forced to endure their company for the holidays; however, your future engagement may be renegotiated.
Again, check it out.
Are they capable of a great deal more consciousness and accountability but are just refusing? Okay, that tells you a lot.
Are they really unskilled but making an effort? Then cut them a lot of slack.
Make an effort to discover willingness and ability, your own and others over this month.
Shower yourself and others with gallons of empathy. Being human is not easy. And also take care of your own vitality and integrity. You need not be abused or have to suffer another’s poor behavior for the sake of a Holiday get together. If spending time with someone causes you to feel ill or takes you days to recover from, it may not be worth it.
If you are a person who cannot say no and/or if you suffer the holidays typically feeling used and abused, then learn the skills you need to set loving boundaries. Develop the will to be honest and true to yourself.
My wish for you this Holiday season is to explore personal meaning, a feeling of the sacred, whatever that means to you. Celebrate your own passages, enjoy true connection wherever you find it.